Why I haven’t participated in a writer’s group in a very long time

I had the chance to have dinner last night with two wonderful writers/authors.

Not that I don’t love my local ones too, but I love it when friends and family visit from out of town, and I get delve back into the writing realm because that’s a common point for all of us.

Last night, long time friend and writer, Brian Howe and I trekked through rush hour traffic to head to downtown Fredericksburg to meet Erica Orloff at the Capital Ale House. Those of you who know me should find this funny – I don’t drink beer. And, it’s rare I’ll drive on the highway at night lately because the glare from the headlights is mind numbing.

We had so much fun!

If only it could have lasted longer….and our poor server looked like he wanted to be anywhere else than THERE. The food was divine – and yes, yes I strayed from the veggie realm and broke down and tried the Baja Burger – but back on track today without too much fuss. I’m told the beers were excellent. Added benefit? I came home with a recipe for a Tiramisutini that I can’t wait to try out on my birthday.

But the fun part for me was bonding with other writer’s how have similar outlooks on how we go about the writing process, the hardships of finding a good critique group, and how we write in spite of everything going on in our lives.

Out of all of that, what had me thinking (at least for the first little while) was about how I’ve gravitated away from writer’s groups. Oh, don’t get me wrong, E Tate & JT Bock always have been and always will be my main writer’s ‘group’ – but I don’t venture far outside my known group.

I’ve tried. (And, I’ve tried writing contests too, that’ll be another post).

Here are my issues that I’ve encountered:

1. Most groups want to meet at night and in person. Yes, we’re all writers, many with day jobs, some without. There is a certain added bonus to meeting in person and hanging out. However, the majority of the time, I’m either teaching at night (physical or mental self defense) or running our 7yo here or there for his events (soccer, drama, you name it), balancing school events (stay away from volunteering TOO much time to your PTA, lol) or something else. Evening meetings? Few and far between.
2. There are an inordinate amount of people out there who want to write their life story. And, have you read it. Yes, I am a big proponent of writing things down to help yourself work through them. Autobiographies don’t sell well, don’t read well (for the most part), and really? You could put all that dram, angst, whatever the emotion is…put it into fiction…more people will read it then.
3. Many have NOT been trained on how to give/get critiqued. I have been writing since I could hold a pencil in my hand. I have always been writing, sometimes different genres, sometimes business writing, but it is STILL always been writing. From that, those writing classes, the art classes…and interacting with other professional writers and authors, there is an art to critiquing. It does not encompass: “this sucks”, “I would never read this”, or “I can’t believe you think someone would say/do/feel that.”These kinds of comments are not helpful. They don’t teach. They are, in fact, mean.You have to leave your ego at the door. Critiques are about 1) helping your fellow writer find the strengths and weaknesses in the story…. “Loved this, it made me feel xx.” “Had a hard time here, was he supposed to jump toward the demon and attack it or….” – things that help to make the writer’s writing stronger, not belittle or tear them down. (For the record, the same thing goes for art and music critiques.)

It takes a long time to get up the courage to share your writing for many people. I would never crush anyone’s hopes or dreams. I had an English teacher in high school try to do that with me. Thankfully, my personality is such that I ignored her and just kept moving forward on my path. As I think I’ve mentioned, I don’t even remember her name, just her words to me. And now, neither really matters.

I write because it’s a part of who I am.

Once you find your group, your niche, stay with them.

A good critique group is hard to find. Stick with them even if they move away, get busy or forget to call you back. And, if you don’t have a group? Create one, but be very mindful of HOW you want critiques to be given and received. Make sure you select a time and place that’s convenient for those you’ve invited to participate. And, figure out how often you’re going to meet. You’re there to help and encourage each other!

Related articles

• A writer’s heart (via Live to Write – Write to Live) (offthemarkandroaming.wordpress.com)
• Critique Groups Can Help Writers (donweston.wordpress.com)
• Stuck In The Group With You (accordingtohoyt.com)
• More than writing …. (sybir.com)
• Writers Group Prompt for June 2011 (pattisjarrett.wordpress.com)